SR.NDH

She's an angel in truth, a demon in fiction,
A woman is the greatest of all contradictions.
She's afraid of cockroach, she'll scream at a mouse,
But she'll tackle a husband as big as a house.

She'll take him for better, she'll take him for worse,
She'll split his head open and then be his nurse.
And when he is well and gets out of bed,
She'll pick up a tea-pot and throw at his head.

She's faithful, deceitful, keen-sighted and blind,
She's crafty, she's simple, she's cruel, she's kind.
She'll lift a man up, she'll cast a man down,
She'll make him her ideal, she'll make him her clown.

You fancy she's this and you find that she's that,
For she'll play like a kitten and bite like a cat.
In the morning she will, in the evening she won't,
You're always expecting she does, but she don't.

I can't even begin to say how disappointed I am with he people around me who knows of how I feel towards him yet practically ignored the fact to tell me what he actually told them. You know how it feels to be hoping then crash landing without any cushioning?

Fuck.

I am afraid.

Period.

I had a boyfriend who will buy me Chocolate Cream Chip from Starbucks and send it to me right now. I could really use some sweet love and a dosage of Starbucks right now.

Because I feel like shit. :(

xoxo S.

Its been so long since I used a desktop computer. It feels different now that I'm using one while my mom gocks over my lappy on her Korean drama. Started of Saturday with Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon breifing in school with Nadiah. Cabbed down because of my twisted ankle and I waited for Nad to arrive with her crutches - which my armpits are suffering from by the way. (-.-) I practically fiddled around with my iTouch while the briefing was conducted, I seriously see no reason in being present but whatever. I had free lunch anyway.

Nadiah decided to accompany me back home because she wants to get her hair done at the saloon near my place - Snip Avenue! Damn cheap! She paid $15.80 for hair treatment+cut+wash+blow! Worth it. She looks gorgeous! :) Neat hair is NEVER seen on Nadiah, except for this afternoon. Haha!

Plan was to watch New Moon today but my twisted ankle makes it hard to walk around and having the cructches to help is well, hurting another part of me. So being wise, I'll stay home till the ankle gets better. Hopefully by Monday. I miss someone in school.

xoxo S.

Sometimes I wish I was prettier.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so scared.

Sometimes I wish I didn’t make so many mistakes.

Sometimes I wish I was smarter, and not as stupid.

Sometimes I wish I could not care.

Sometimes I wish I could prove I care.

Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to hide anything.

Sometimes I wish I could cry on your shoulder.

Sometimes I wish I could humble myself, and admit my mistakes.

Sometimes I wish I had no mistakes.

Sometimes I wish I was really worth loving.

Sometimes I wish people wouldn’t assume I’m bad.

Sometimes I wish I made better decisions.

Sometimes I wish I could be a better friend.

Sometimes I wish I didn’t screw up.

Sometimes I wish I wouldn’t do what I do half the time.

Sometimes I wish I could write better.

Sometimes I wish I was a better person.

Sometimes I wish I was confident.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so afraid.

Sometimes I wish I knew when to hold back.

*Gasps!*

Something is wrong. Something is wrong. Something is wrong. I'm not kidding.

"You ever want something that you know you shouldn't have? The more you know you shouldn't have it, the more you want it. Then one day you get it. It feels so good to but its just like this boy, when he's around me, I just feel good. So good.. but right now, I just feel cold, so cold right down to my bones."

Feeling happy like hell one week ago was exhilarating but I think that feeling was just a temporary high. Yes, I want the feeling to be temporary high. I don't want the one who made me feel like that to be temporary. Not this fast at the very least.

This feeling then lead me to think of the other things that are troubling my mind that I have, all this while, managed to sweep them under the rag. Like how I've changed and how I don't like it. Experiencing the feeling of Prom again last night was another thing. Made me feel apart of me that really wanted to show yesterday. A whole lot of me actually. =/

December onwards, I'm going to be someone better and nobody will change that. I'll give myself till end of this month to be a pessimist but that doesn't mean I'm not being positive but I just want to feel how it is to be afraid if things don't work out. Sometimes, its a way of preventing you from getting hurt. Looking at how I've been when I'm hurt, its better I stay a distance from it before I distant myself from everyone.

xoxo S.

There are people who deserve you and people who don’t. If you have someone in your life who takes you for granted or doesn’t give you the respect that you deserve, leave them in the past where they belong. Surround yourself with people who challenge your mind and bring out the best in you. As for the ones who only exist to bring you down or cheapen your potential; let them find people who are better-suited to their own qualities and principles.

Hold yourself to the highest standard possible. People who don’t measure up don’t deserve your time. People who can’t see past their own cowardice or their own arrogance don’t deserve your time. Anyone who doesn’t treat you the way you treat yourself doesn’t deserve your time. & if you are treating yourself in a way that gives people permission to take advantage of you, start showing yourself the exact same respect that you should be demanding of everyone else.

You’re really worth more than you give yourself credit for. It’s time that you start making sure people recognize that.

There’ll be a reason why people will remain a part of your past… & only your past.

When was the last time I felt this happy?

Thank you very much. Although it was just a drink.

xoxo S.