*Gasps!*
Something is wrong. Something is wrong. Something is wrong. I'm not kidding.
"You ever want something that you know you shouldn't have? The more you know you shouldn't have it, the more you want it. Then one day you get it. It feels so good to but its just like this boy, when he's around me, I just feel good. So good.. but right now, I just feel cold, so cold right down to my bones."
Feeling happy like hell one week ago was exhilarating but I think that feeling was just a temporary high. Yes, I want the feeling to be temporary high. I don't want the one who made me feel like that to be temporary. Not this fast at the very least.
This feeling then lead me to think of the other things that are troubling my mind that I have, all this while, managed to sweep them under the rag. Like how I've changed and how I don't like it. Experiencing the feeling of Prom again last night was another thing. Made me feel apart of me that really wanted to show yesterday. A whole lot of me actually. =/
December onwards, I'm going to be someone better and nobody will change that. I'll give myself till end of this month to be a pessimist but that doesn't mean I'm not being positive but I just want to feel how it is to be afraid if things don't work out. Sometimes, its a way of preventing you from getting hurt. Looking at how I've been when I'm hurt, its better I stay a distance from it before I distant myself from everyone.
xoxo S.
There are people who deserve you and people who don’t. If you have someone in your life who takes you for granted or doesn’t give you the respect that you deserve, leave them in the past where they belong. Surround yourself with people who challenge your mind and bring out the best in you. As for the ones who only exist to bring you down or cheapen your potential; let them find people who are better-suited to their own qualities and principles.
Hold yourself to the highest standard possible. People who don’t measure up don’t deserve your time. People who can’t see past their own cowardice or their own arrogance don’t deserve your time. Anyone who doesn’t treat you the way you treat yourself doesn’t deserve your time. & if you are treating yourself in a way that gives people permission to take advantage of you, start showing yourself the exact same respect that you should be demanding of everyone else.
You’re really worth more than you give yourself credit for. It’s time that you start making sure people recognize that.
There’ll be a reason why people will remain a part of your past… & only your past.
When was the last time I felt this happy?
Thank you very much. Although it was just a drink.
xoxo S.
Losing a friend is quite difficult, to say the least. You lose the bond, the secrets, the stories and the togetherness. One thing you'll never forget is the memories or the times shared together.
Losing a friend is one thing, but losing a friend who was detrimental to your well being is another. You still lose all of the qualities of a friend, but you gain a few more things. Peace of mind, for one, that you will never have to worry about so-and-so doing this to make your life harder, or so-and-so saying this to mess up your other relationships. You become more of a calm person, which yields lower stress levels (this is a bonues, I must say). You smile more. You begin to listen to other people. You enjoy yourself, because you finally realise that certain people just don't belong in your life after all. No matter how hard you may have tried to deny it, you're a better person because of the decision you made for yourself.
Life will continue to go on, and you will too, because this person means nothing to you any longer. You are you, and they are whoever they want to be. Live your life to the fullest, if not for yourself, but to spite them.
Heed your own advice, Sara.
xoxo S.
I was just starting to believe in bestfriends, thanks to you but you had to tarnish my faith and hopes of ever believing in bestfriends again. I made a mistake once and here's another one right in my face. I'm sorry if this hurts you in every possible way but as of now, there is no such thing as bestfriends in my world. I'm not saying this in vain and my pain is enough. Fuck, this ain't even a relationship and this hurt isn't caused by a dick owner.
In a girl's bestfriend relationship, every bestfriend will:
- Take advantage of how much you care for her
- Expects you to keep no secrets from her
- Tell you that she'll always be there for you
- Bail on you when she feels the friendship is special and its not a wrong thing to do because, bestfriends should understand each other!
- What hurts the most is, departing from you when she finds someone special but comes back to you when that person hurts her
- At times, your own bestfriend is your competition (perhaps, all the time but you just choose to deny it)
The benefits of bestfriends in a girl's world:
- You have someone to talk about your menstrual cycle
- You can share stuffs from make up to shoes, clothes to perfume
- You're not afraid to let your hair down around her
- You know that you have someone to lean on
Until you prick her skin deep right to the bone and piss the shit out of her. Look, it doesn't help that every conversation is about your new love. It doesn't help that every hang out ends with his name. It doesn't help if you change a plan last minute and go out with another guy, leaving your bestfriend planless. Honestly, I don't like girls. I'm serious. Its not that I have anything against them and this is contradicting but for the love of humanity, can girls be less annoying and more thoughtful?!
We're given feelings and emotions, oh how amazing girls can relate to that. Yet again, girls are so fucking stupid that they forget the brain is up in their skull, WAITING TO BE FUNCTIONED! Seriously, girls should learn how to think before they act. I'm not being bias. I'm not stating boys are doing it because, I'm still heartbroken from that ex of mine but the very least, boys don't hold grudges.
Its not like you don't already know, I'm someone who is so direct, I don't sweeten my words to spare a thought for your feelings because feelings do not have a brain! Like how I mentioned about girls being dumb to hold grudges, I am the best example. However, I'm stating this as well, at least I avoid to hurt people and cause a conflict which then results in me holding a grudge against you.
xoxo S.
To everyone who is planning to have a family in the future. Think wisely. If you do not want to raise your kid till he/she dies, get married, move out, give up on you, then I suggest you don't even consider having a kid. To get married is one thing. Fine, you want to marry the one you love and grow old together, thats fine by me. But heck you better think a gazillion times over if you really wanna have a baby.
Its a responsibility of a lifetime. You can get a divorce from your spouse but don't you dare abandon a child of yours. Don't think that the child is to claim full responsibility of him/herself after a certain age. Just because a teenage shows rebellious behaviour, does not mean its time your responsibility is over. If you're a stingy, selfish, money minded type of person that don't be a parent because your kids will hate you.
Don't treat your child like a matchstick and then blame it on his or her choice of life. You're the parent. You think you're always right and that you know what's best for the kid. Sometimes you don't even realise that the kid has potential of his/her own. Don't be a parent who cares for what you want all the time. The child is only human as well and as an experienced grown-up, WAKE UP! This time, life is not all about you.
Think of it this way, imagine one day when your spouse gets cancer or a life threatening disease and your oldest child is a juvenile. You're struggling to keep your family together then the odd one out of the 4 kids you have, asks you for a couple of dollars to buy undergarments, would you buy it for her or ask her to take care of her own essentials? If you think providing shelter and food is all it takes to be a parent than you're wrong. They have the children's shelter to do that for them.
Being a parent is not an easy job. Being a kid who is under the care of a messed up parent, you tell me.
xoxo S.
Seriously...
After awhile, I've learnt the subtle difference between holding a hand & changing a soul. I've learnt that kisses aren't contracts & presents aren't promises. I start to accept my defeats with my heads up and eyes wide open. I've learnt to build all my roads on today because tomorrow's ground is uncertain. After awhile, I've learnt that even sunshine burns if I get too much of it. So I've decided to plant my own garden and decorate my own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring me flowers. I've learnt that I can really endure, that I am really strong & that I really do have worth.
Most importantly, I've learnt that with every goodbye, there's a hello. So, take chance! Tell the truth! Date someone totally wrong for you! Say no, say yes! Spend all your cash! Fall in love! Be random! Say I love you! Cry! Apologise! Tell someone how much they mean to you! For God's sake, sing your hearts out! Tell them how you feel! Let someone know what they're missing!
Laugh until your stomach hurts, take a deep breath & live life the best way you know how.
xoxo S.
TGIF! I had a good start to my weekend. Lets put aside the fact that I am in recovery mode and that its my 2nd day of you know what and also having Entrepreneurship module today. (At least its not as bad as Marketing!) I love how today is going about. A good morning start. :)
During first break, I was bored and decided to meet up with Danish because I missed him after being sick and not meeting/disturbing/pissing him off for almost a week. I decided to hijack his laptop! Irony is, his latest Facebook status update was about him reminding himself to lock his laptop when leaving class so he won't get anymore hijacks but... HE DIDN'T! So, I took that chance and had the best laugh (eversince what happened to Danish on his birthday celebration)
As a revenge, he carried me into two classes. -_-!! [C'MON DANISH! IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO!?]
Let's put that aside, fact is, I am so lucky to have met a friend like Danish. In one semester, he have made me laugh like nothing else matters! Its like all my troubles seem so far away when I laugh it out with him. Thanks Danishe. *eyebrow up down*
xoxo S.
I just got a job at Guardian near my place. Its like a stone throw away! Today is my first day, I'll be starting work at 5pm but the thing is, I'm sick! My throat feels like there's a ball inside, my nose is blocked, my head feels like there's a hundred over Elephants on it and my body aches really bad. The fever is on and off. Not forgetting the cold sweats! I is sad.
I really hope I feel better by afternoon so that I can go to work! Pardon the workaholic but my day is bad enough. I MISSED MATH LESSON TODAY! :(((( I know, its kinda hard to believe that I enjoy Math lesson and I actually made it a point never to miss a Math lesson this semester but here I am at home, under my blanket. I'm starting to enjoy Math so why God! Why am I sick now?! What bad timing. Can't this sickness wait till after UT1 or something. Pfft! I is sad.
Get well soon Sara!
xoxo S.
Emotions are burning up inside. Is this on impulse?
I missed school today. Had a pretty bad cough in the morning but its all good now. I should really be sleeping at this hour - 1.19AM but my feelings for that boy is on a bad behaviour tonight! After so long, I just feel like telling him how I feel but I know I can't. I just don't have the guts to do it. I don't even know why I'm so afraid to be honest with the situation. Its not like I've never confessed to a guy before but this time its different.
I figured maybe I'm too afraid to let myself fall in love again. Seriously, I've never felt so reserved in my life. Ask my friends, they'll tell you that I'm the strong type who don't dwell over heartbreaks for too long. Even right now, I don't think I'm having a broken heart. Just a heart with maximum security. Its just that sometimes I feel the urge to let the guards down but one part of me tells me its best not to. Not yet.
Oh the feeling of telling him that I miss him, its testing my patience.
xoxo S.
